Eat Sh** and Die

So, tonight I braved the weather, and by weather I mean the remnants of yesterday's storm. I was walking at warp speed because it was freezing cold outside. I had to slow down at frequent intervals to insure that I didn't fall on the ice patches that developed after the sun was out today. I handled it like a pro (if I do say so myself). That is, until I saw home sweet home and imagined the warmth that awaited me within mere steps.

They did a pretty good job of plowing our driveways, but I figured that I was bound to hit a patch of black ice since I was assuming that the plowing had eliminated all sources of risk. Stupid K! In order to avoid imagined risk, I headed through the cars (and the unplowed snow) thinking that I would have better traction. Stupid K! It sleeted last night before it snowed. That means that when my foot hit the "snow," I immediately found myself lying on the ground. Ouch.

As I pulled myself up from the ice I thought, "wow, I just ate sh** and (nearly) died." When I called E to whine about my wipeout and subsequent pain, he reminded me that I'm not the only one who has found him or herself failing to maintain their upright position. But, in doing so, he reminded me that I did not deserve his sympathy in the slightest. One time E was upset about his Colorado Buffs losing a football game and decided, as any red-blooded American male would, to get his frustration out by watering the plants on the patio. As he returned to the kitchen after emptying the watering can, E ate sh** and (nearly) died. I looked up from the work that I was doing, having missed the actual fall itself, and said, "how'd you get down there?" Not, "are you okay?" But, "how'd you get down there?" Some friend I am. Full of compassion, as also evidenced in the "Wow, this bed is really bouncy" story. Apparently, in my case, the karma was not instant, but let me tell you what, the pain was.

And, for that reason, I have to sign off. I need to take the pressure off the bruised parts of my body and use my two-hour snow delay tomorrow morning to rest the muscles in my arms that were stretched from the flailing that I must have done on my way down. I should have stuck with my own advice from last night and stayed in. But then, I guess, karma would still be on my a** instead of me landing on it. I'd rather be done with it.

Be careful out there.